3 Things to Consider When Dating from Afar

According to Google, a frequently searched question is “how to date long-distance?”

According to people . . . well, there is a reason why the question is so popular on Google.

I suppose it makes sense. With technology, people’s dating pools aren’t limited to their city, state, or even continent.

Pen pals are a thing of the past with advances such as Skype, FaceTime and Google Hangouts.

Do you even remember how big a deal pen pals were?

Ah, simpler times.

If you think you’d like to try to DATE across landscapes, here are 3 things to consider:

  1. Dating long distance is cool, courting long distance is not. Dating is just . . . dating. Two very grown people being intentional about getting to know each other by purposing a time or (cyber) space. That’s it. And one of the benefits of dating a person long distance is that getting to know them is not disrupted by hormones or the pressure to create physical intimacy. However, courting is best done after being a person’s space. Not living with them or anything. But, there is just something about a person’s presence that can’t be replicated. Not yet anyway.
  2. Long distance dating creates a focus on the person’s personality. There is a power in presence. That power can be overwhelming, seductive, and intoxicating. Dating long distance, however, negates a lot of that energy, where the power of the personality is allowed to shine. Sure, there are plenty of opportunities for a person to create a persona . . . but people do that in person as well. A liar will be a liar. But for the rest of the world who AREN’T sociopaths, long distance dating is a great opportunity to see a person with uninterrupted clarity.
  3. Long distance dating should be done with a grain of salt until actually meeting. Here is the thing. I know of individuals who did EVERYTHING long distance, right up to the marriage. I also have heard of people who have jumped out of planes, their parachute malfunctioned, and they still lived. I wouldn’t suggest doing either. Until you can engage him/ her with your five senses, date with a bit of skepticism. Keep it light.

A relationship is just two people relating. Let’s focus less on relating to a person, and more on what we are relaying to the person. Whether far or near, relationship building skills are necessary. If being ‘with someone’ trumps building with someone . . . you have a bigger problem than just dating long distance.

 

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