Falling Out of Love

You hang up.  Just like that, it’s over.

Tears run heavy. The instinct to blame yourself is strong.  You head to the kitchen. They call back, but you ignore it. You are TIRED of the back and forth. What is this, the fourth or fifth break up in as many months? The craving for your favorite comfort food is strong. You are not a stress eater per se, but desperate times call for desperate measures.  And right now times are saying S’mores.  You place your phone on the countertop.

Marshmallows? Check.

Graham Crackers? Check.

Chocolate?…..

Where the &#*% are your Hershey bars?!?

Oh, right. You ate them. Rather, you BOTH did last time they were over. It was a great time actually. Their scent covers the memory. The phone rings again, the vibrations making annoying buzzing sounds across the countertop. That sound used to make your heart jump as you scrambled to answer it. Old habits die hard because before you can think about it, the phone is in your hand.  Answer or decline?

You let the phone ring, letting the voicemail make the decision for you.  It’s a coward’s way out, but resisting them is so hard. And they know it. And more importantly, they know you know it. And to be honest, it is nice to know that they miss you so much. Then you remember the mission…S’mores!  Grabbing your coat and keys you head outside. It’s cold, but tonight is going to be a long one, full of crying and regrets. Going without your favorite food is NOT an option.

As soon as you get in your car, the phone rings again. Answer or decline?  You weigh your options.  Walmart suddenly seems too far. Maybe they had a good reason. Maybe this time it will be different. Maybe they have learned, and you both can finally grow past this cycle. Love always finds a way, right?

Answer or decline? The phone continues to ring. Maybe one more time. Besides, who wants to eat S’mores alone?

Answer or decline?

Answer or decline?

Answer or….

ANSWER.

Does this look familiar? It sounds romantic, even endearing. The back and forth, the preoccupation with the other person. The person you believe you are “ in love” with, making your life into an R&B song. And maybe you are really in love with them.

Or…

Maybe you are really just “in love” with the process of this type of relationship building. This feeling is a welcome distraction. It is a drug. So you try to make a situation work that doesn’t add to your growth and evolution. Sure, it is emotionally gratifying at times.

Who doesn’t want a “boo?”  But if you and the other person are falling in love . . . what happens when you reach the proverbial bottom?

You know what happens. You have been there. The emotional gratification doesn’t match the work of maintaining the relationship, so it implodes.  You hurt, you heal, and begin the process anew. But it wears on you. And because you have yet to take responsibility for the cycles you create, you now think that relationships aren’t for you. Ready to have your mind blown?

Maybe falling in love isn’t for you. Maybe you should consider growing in love instead. But growth requires work. You use relationships as a vacation. You DESERVE for someone to be in love with you because you work so hard in your personal life.  Unfortunately, that’s not how relationships work. People are work. Growth is often accompanied by growing pains. If two people don’t believe in that type of dedication, then their relationship has a very short shelf life.

Sometimes pressing decline before a relationship develops further is best for you and the other person. If you are going to date, date effectively. These “situationships” that have become so popular are destructive.

But you are grown and are capable of making your own decisions. If you decide to answer the call, though, just make sure you stock up on S’mores first. Just in case.

 

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